29.09.03 11:31

Confusing family situations / Confusing Arabic situations

Chris suggested this morning that the reason that I might be in all sorts of pain was that I spent yesterday afternoon ripping grape-vines from Nancy's trees for my Grandma.

I denied this fact this morning, but more and more I realize that it is true.

My back is out of place and giving me a headache and my muscles hurt from exertion. I need to exercise more. But I also need some new shoes, and I'm not about to run out and buy them until the shoes that I am wearing right now completely fall to bits.

Grandma and Grandpa came to Nancy's yesterday. We had a good time. Perhaps quite a bit too much to drink. Well, Grandpa and I didn't really. We kept ourselves above sober. Grandma and Chris got trashed. Grandma says mean things when she gets trashed sometimes without meaning them to be mean.

She is usually trying to help, but ends up not helping.

Regardless, she said some things about Chris' brother and the car that we gave him and all that wth regards to our breaking up. We were both taken aback by her casual reference to us breaking up, Chris moreso than I, I think. I dismissed it as bullshit. He thought that I had said something to her about it, which I hadn't.

Regardless, I'm not sure what to think. I feel sometimes like I don't have very many friends left that really get me. The few that do know that no matter what happens around Chris and I, we're still a team (or at least, I think so) and I would stand by him regardless of the circumstances. I figure that it is easier to get through this world as part of a dedicated team than it is to do it by myself.

And yah, I am cranky. I'm trying to finish a degree and we have this business that fluctuates with our moods. I may be cranky, but I am trying to get some things done. So, I hope that Chris forgives me for being cranky sometimes. I try not to be. I try to wake up smiling.

I did actually this morning.

Which reminds me, last night I woke up with the worst stomach-ache I have ever had. I think that it was from the bloody marys that I had yesterday afternoon, or the fact that I ate way to late in the day.

Regardless, I felt like shit. And it kept me up from 2:30 until 4:00 am whilst I drank a glass of red wine and pot of ginger tea to settle my digestional maladies. Those remedies work by the way. I felt better when I laid back down.

Regardless, I don't know what to think of what grandma said. She has been married to a man that she says she can't stand for 55 years, who has done innumerable things that have pissed her off, yet she assumes that if things get at all rocky for me that I'm going to just ditch Chris.

Bullshit.

He's my best friend for fuck's sake. I've never had a better friend. And that is the way it should be. Even if I was angry at him, which I'm not. I'm not going to just toss away the best, most loyal, most caring, selfless friend I will ever have. Not to mention that I have chosen to spend out the rest of my days with him, regardless of what is going on around us.

Us against the world. Everyone knows that.

Just set us both a little on edge, that's all. I feel bad about what she said too. Like somehow, I am responsible for it. I'm not sure why.

I guess it is because I have always been her only advocate, even when she isn't necessarily in the right. Then, there is no real right and wrong.

Who knows?

In other news, I have a fucking math exam tomorrow morning, which I don't feel at all prepared for. I know that I am, but I just don't feel like I know what I am doing or something. Then Wednesday night I have a lab exam. That one I know that I am not prepared for. I need to identify moer landmarks on the skull and I need to figure out the bones in the wrist. Also, the bones in the leg. I don't know the landmarks of the femur that well, or the tibia and fibula. I also need to review a few bits.

At least I am in a really good lab group and one of the other lab instructors comes in and sits with us and quizzes us while she studies on Wednesday nights. This level of personal attention will make a huge difference come exam time.

Arabic is finally starting to get interesting. It is still all review for me, but we are starting to have more vocabulary. I need to buy the cd's for the second book. I have them for the first book, but not for the second. I think that they would be most helpful. Maybe I will ask my mom for them. She wanted to give me money for books, which I wouldn't let her do, so maybe this would work. I think I will just order them through Athena Bookshop downtown, or from Barnes and Noble.

This is a language which I really, really want to be fluent it. I have always been fascinated by it. I have the feeling most of the time that my instructor doesn't get me or is offended by me in some way. I'm not sure what it means. I really like the guy, I would like to get to know him a lot better, as he could boost my academic career and help my Arabiia. Also he just seems to be a nice guy. I guess maybe I should just keep asking him things. Like I don't know most of the time if he wants to be called by his first name or if he wants to be called a formal title. I guess that I should ask. I am going to his office tomorrow to go over some things anyway, so this will give me some good opportunity to do this.

I need a spoken Arabic source too. I think that I saw one online. I will look into that more following this little monologue. I would like to learn the Lebanese and Egyptian dialects. Or Lubnaanee and Musree, fil Arabiia.

Anyway, enough babbling. I am fucking hungry. Shit, I may not have any cash. Must find ATM, or will starve. Homework, bar. Blech.

Later, my sweet, beautiful bastards.

^{Image adapted from a photograph by ARNOLD MARTIN}